Mine Forever: The Beginning (Chapter 5)

Chapter 5 - Billie

Eight-Years-Old

The next day our parents went out and bought cell phones for me and Javon. They said in case something like that happened again, we could just call them instead of running to get help.

By the end of the week, Javon wanted to go bike riding. I gave him a laugh in disbelief.

"What? I'm serious," he said.

"Nope." I shook my head, flipping through a book on his living room table.

"What're you, my mom? I can go if I want to." He huffed.

I closed the book, stood up, and folded my arms. I narrowed my eyes.

"Am I supposed to stop bike riding all together?" he asked.

"No, but why can't you wait?" I asked.

"Because I don't want to," he said.

"Well, I'm telling."

"You're gonna tell my mom?" he asked, scratching his head and twisting his face.

"Yep, I am." I nodded.

"Billie, don't do that."

"Then don't go."

"I'm going."

He began stalking out to the garage. I bolted to the door, standing in front of him with my arms folded. "Billie, what's the big deal? I used to go bike riding all the time before we met. We went before I fell. Am I supposed to live in fear?"

"No. You can't go." I squealed, stretching out my hands to block him from leaving.

"I'll be fine. Don't be a scaredy-cat."

He stood directly in front of me. He was standing so close I felt his breath on my cheek. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest, so I took a step back. He did it again, standing directly in front of me. I folded my arms over my chest and pushed into him -- challenging him. Two can play that game, I thought. He peered into my eyes.

"Billie I don't want to be afraid," he admitted.

"So don't be afraid in the future. If you're willing to get back on, you already know you're not afraid," I said.

"Not necessarily. I have to do it to see." His eyes looked sad. I didn't want him to feel that way, but I couldn't risk losing him again.

"I don't care. I don't want you to go."

His mom stepped out into the garage. "What're you guys arguing about."

We backed away from each other.

"Um..." I scratched my head.

"Billie doesn't want me to go bike riding," said Javon.

"Well, I agree. Not yet," said his mom.

"See there," I said, folding my arms.

"What's the rush?" asked his mom.

"I don't want to be afraid to get back on," he said.

"Javon we just care about you. We think you're rushing into this. Think about it. I don't want you to be afraid either. Just take some real-time and think about it," his mom suggested.

He sighed. "Okay."

She turned and walked back into the house.

I turned and started toward the open garage door. He didn't care what I thought or how I felt. He was just going to go.

"Billie, I'm sorry."

I stopped, but I didn't turn to face him. A tear slipped down my face. "No, you're not. You were gonna go and not even think about how I felt."

"I don't want you to be afraid either," he said.

"You're always afraid for me. Always. You don't want me to do this or that. You say you are looking out for me, but you're afraid for me. Well since you can go bike riding, I'm coming to your window," I faced him.

"Billie, you can't."

"Yes, I can."

He walked toward me, and I backed away. "No. You can't tell me what to do," I shouted.

He walked closer but I kept backing away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm coming to your window. I don't care."

"Fine, but what if I tell?" he asked.

"You wouldn't dare," my voice was heavy.

"Yes, I would. Then you won't be able to come anymore." He charged toward me.

I was frozen with anger and the tears crept down my face. He touched my shoulder.

"Billie--"

"Don't tell me not to cry. I'm done," I screamed.

I jerked away from his hand and stalked home. I looked behind me. He was following me. I took off, running to my house. When I got inside, I fell onto the couch and placed my head on my arms. Then, I heard my mom's footsteps clicking against the living room floor. She placed her hand on my back.

"Honey, what's the matter?" she asked.

"Javon is a jerk," I said, turning my head so she could see my face.

"Why? What did he do?"

"He doesn't care about how I feel," I said.

"Of course he does." She rubbed my back.

"No, he doesn't," I cried.

"What happened?"

I told her everything except the part about the window. I also left out the part about being extremely close to him.

"Don't get too upset with him Billie. He doesn't want to feel afraid. Ever. His wanting to protect you is part of that. He is your best friend. I seriously doubt he was trying to hurt you. He feels he has to face his fear. He wants to be in control of it instead of the other way around. It's great that you care about him like that. But don't try to control him. Maybe if you would have approached the situation differently..."

"Maybe." I wiped my tears and sniffled.

"You guys are going through a lot. He may need to get rid of all the frustration he's feeling."

I nodded.

My phone dinged. It was a text from Javon, asking to talk to me. My mom patted me on the back. "Looks like you should talk to him," she said before leaving the room.

I was still upset. I laid my head on my arms. I went through so much the day he flew off his bike. I gasped for air, reliving that moment. I began coughing. My mom ran into the living room. Javon was behind her. "Billie are you okay?" asked my mom. I stared blankly--unable to speak as she hugged me. She released me, then dashed out of the room.

Javon took me in his arms. "Billie it's okay. I won't go until you want me to. I promise," I heard his voice and closed my eyes. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed slowly. My mom returned with a cup in her hand. She held it out to me. But I couldn't move. I couldn't take it from her. She placed it on the table. Then, she rested her hand on my head. "It's okay Billie," she said, exhaling sharply. She fell onto the couch. Javon was still holding me. "Javon if you wanna go. I can get her," said my mom.

"I'm okay," said Javon.

"Okay. Are you staying for dinner?" she asked.

"Sure," he answered quickly.

She stood up and walked out of the living room. "Billie are you okay?" he whispered.

I didn't speak.

"I know you're mad at me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been that way to you. I don't want you to look at me as weak or helpless."

"What are you talking about? You are one of the strongest people I know." I heard my voice breaking.

He handed me the cup that was on the table. I took it and sipped from it. It was orange juice.

"Javon you're so unfair. You can't be without me but it's okay if I'm without you," I cried.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I was selfish. I'm sorry," he said again.

I took another sip of the orange juice.

He pulled away, holding my arms. "If you need to see me it's okay. I won't stop you," he said, referring to the window.

I nodded. The tears raced down my face.

"I mean it. I was being a jerk. I'm sorry." He pulled me to him and he cried. I put my arms around his neck. We sat there and cried in each other's arms.

He ate dinner with us that night. We watched a movie, then he went home through the back gate. After I prepared for bed, I laid down thinking about the day. I hoped I wouldn't have to continue to relive those moments when I thought I lost him. I saw him there on the ground once again. The tears began again. And almost as if my mom heard me, she knocked on my door and stepped inside--asking if I was okay.

"Yeah," I nodded, wiping my eyes.

"Are you sure?" She walked over to my bed, standing beside it.

"I'm okay," I said, not wanting to talk about the nightmare again.

"Okay." She gently squeezed my shoulder. "So you and Javon made up, huh?"

"Yup."

"That's great. You don't want to lose a friend like that. You'll have disagreements but as long as you can work through them, you'll always have him as a friend," said my mom.

I smiled. "Hey, how did he know to come inside earlier? Where was he?"

"He was on the porch. I was going to step outside for a minute but I saw him there, so I talked to him and told him he could come inside."

"Oh."

"Well get some sleep," she said.

"Good night."

"Good night sweetie." She gave a loving smile and left the room.

She walked out of my room, closing the door behind her. I was on my way to dreamland when my phone dinged. It was Javon.

Javon: WYD

Me: about to go to sleep

Javon: Me too. Just wanted to say goodnight

Me: Gn

Javon: Don't stop being awesome

Me: you too

I smiled brightly.

I went to sleep feeling a little lighter, but I woke up hyperventilating. I rushed to the kitchen to get a drink of water. I couldn't get the image of him lying there on the ground out of my mind or my dreams. What was I going to do? I sat in the living room and watched TV. Then, I finally fell asleep with that image in my head. In the morning, I woke up in my room. I stretched. I looked out my window at the bright and sunny day. I decided to go for a walk after I prepared for the day. I walked around, taking in the fresh air. I really needed this time to clear my head. It felt like everything was happening all at once and so fast. I began to skip down the street. When I got home, I played with the toys in my room. Then, I got a knock on my open door. I looked up. "Can I play?" said Javon.

"Sure."

We played together most of the day. He stayed for dinner. I walked him to the door when it was time for him to leave.

"Thanks for being a great friend," said Javon. He flashed me a smile but his eyes looked sad.

I hugged him.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Billie. That's something I never wanted to do," he said.

"It's okay. I'm okay. I forgive you."

"Thanks," he pulled away.

"I'm sorry too. I should've talked to you about it. I didn't react in the best way."

"It's okay. I know why you did," he said.

I let out a breath of relief.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow," he said.

I nodded.

"Do you want a ride? I can ask my mom to pick you up," I said.

"Sure."

He looked like a weight had been lifted off of him. He smiled a little brighter.

"See you tomorrow," he said.

I smiled. "Tomorrow."

Over the week, we studied, played, and ate together. We decided to schedule a movie night at least once a month on Fridays, but if we needed to reschedule we would. He didn't mention bike riding again to me. I understood that he would want to go again. I would go again too. I just needed more time. We hadn't visited each other's windows nor had we discussed it. We would text or call each other if we needed to talk. I knew he worried about me, so I figured I would wait a while before doing that again. Maybe it was for the best that I didn't climb into a boy's window, anyway.

The weeks continued to fly by. Our friendship had endured a lot in such a short period of time.

______

One day after school, we were playing tag in my room. I ran away from him because he was trying to tickle me. I squealed as I ran into my room. He clutched my wrist. I tried to run, but he had me. He tickled me. I squirmed out of his arms, falling to the ground. He fell on top of me. He stayed there a little longer than usual, staring into my eyes. My heart pounded loudly in my chest. My stomach was doing something funny. Then, I began trembling. He stood up, took my hand in his, and helped me to my feet. His skin was doing something to mine or mine was doing something to his. I couldn't tell but it felt this strange buzz to my skin. I released his hand abruptly and gasped. What was happening?

"You okay?" he asked.

"No." I turned my back to him. I didn't want anything else weird to happen.

"Billie, it's okay. It's nothing."

"Javon. I think you should leave," I said.

"Why? It's not a big deal."

"You have to go."

"Don't kick me out."

"Please Javon," I pleaded.

"Alright," he gave in.

He walked out. I started to close my bedroom door when he began putting pressure on it. I pushed back.

"Billie why are you doing this?" he asked, grunting.

I put my back against the door, trying to push him out. I realized that he was a lot stronger, but I had to try to get away from him.

"Please don't do this," he begged.

"Javon. You're weird. I'm weird. We're weird," I said, feeling so confused.

"So what. We're friends. It doesn't matter."

"No." I kept pushing on the door. I guess he gave up because I fell, closing the door with ease.

I had to keep this to myself. It was so strange. I put my hand on my head.

"Billie, I don't care if we're weird."

"Javon it's best if you leave."

"I can't," he said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"I need you," his voice was muffled from the other side.

I felt my heart thump in my chest. I pulled the door open and his back fell onto the floor. He must have been sitting on the floor against the door.

I chuckled a little. "Sorry."

He looked up at me. "That's funny? I'm gonna get you," he said, wagging his finger.

I sat on the bed. "Can you sit next to me?" I said, with a shaky voice. I was nervous, but I wanted to see what would happen with him being close to me again.

He stood up and sat next to me on the bed. He scooted over until he was sitting right beside me. I couldn't peer into his eyes. I watched as the side of his arm touched mine. We were both wearing short sleeve shirts. I felt a weird sensation between our skin. He placed his arm around my shoulders. I looked at his arm and his hand as it went around me, touching my skin. His skin buzzed against mine. We sat there letting the sensations flow between us. I laid my head on his shoulder.

"Billie, I know this seems weird. But I don't care. If we are friends, we can work it out together."

I nodded. "My stomach feels funny," I said.

"Mine too." He lay his head on top of mine. "You're my best friend, Billie. You always will be."

"I feel the same." I took in a breath.

He held my hand. "We might not get this back," he said.

"You want it back?" I raised my eyebrows.

"It's not so bad," he said.

"You're strange," I said.

"We both are," he chuckled. "At least this is something that we can share together--something that's just between us."

I smiled at his words.

He chuckled.

"What?" I asked, curiously.

"You know, you're kind of tough--the way you stood up to me--the way you fought for me...."

I leaned into him pushing him playfully.

"But no matter what, I'm always gonna want to protect you. Always." He squeezed my hand.

I nodded. "I know."

We sat there amazed by what was happening to us. I felt that comforting feeling return. I completely relaxed in his arms. He asked if I was okay and I nodded. I didn't want to let him go. He was right what if this feeling didn't return. Then, this moment would mean so much more.

Several minutes passed and we enjoyed that moment in silence. And then it happened. He started to sing. His voice was so beautiful. It made my heart leap. I closed my eyes and enjoyed every minute that was happening. Whatever this sensation was, it was amazing.

Unfortunately, we were interrupted by my mom. She asked if we wanted dinner. We jumped apart. She looked at us suspiciously. I don't understand why we jumped. We've hugged in front of our parents before. But this time it felt different. After Javon went home, my parents grilled me about what happened in my room. I told them a few things about my feelings. My dad gave my mom a strange look. Then, my mom gave me a slow introduction to "the talk."

I found out from my mom that we may like each other more than we believed. I was still in disbelief. Javon was my best friend. For the most part, when I was around him, I felt an unexplainable comfort. I loved hanging out with him and was so happy that we met. I liked the way he played with me and spent time with me. He treated me like I was special. And I knew I wanted that forever--friends or otherwise.